Difficulty being assertive — saying no, expressing needs, or standing up for yourself — is one of the most common and impactful interpersonal difficulties. It affects relationships, careers, and self-esteem. And it can change significantly with the right support.
Our registered psychologists in Melbourne provide evidence-based assertiveness and communication skills treatment across four clinic locations and via Telehealth.
WorkCover, NDIS or TAC approved? YOU PAY NOTHING.
If your claim has been approved, we bill your funder directly. Zero out-of-pocket cost — no gap, no upfront payment, nothing.
Assertiveness is the ability to express thoughts, feelings, needs, and limits clearly, directly, and respectfully — without aggression or submission (Alberti & Emmons, 2017). It is a skill set, not a personality trait — and it can be learned.
Assertiveness difficulties typically present as:
Assertiveness difficulties commonly produce:
Assertiveness difficulties are strongly associated with anxiety, depression, relationship dissatisfaction, and low self-esteem (Paterson, 2000).
Assertiveness difficulties are typically maintained by a combination of beliefs (‘If I say no, people will be angry’; ‘My needs don’t matter as much’; ‘Conflict is dangerous’) and skills deficits (not knowing how to express needs clearly and calmly) (Alberti & Emmons, 2017).
Effective treatment addresses both:
Assertiveness training produces significant improvements in assertive communication, self-esteem, and psychological wellbeing (Speed et al., 2018).
Our psychologists use approaches with strong evidence for assertiveness difficulties:
Skills-based training in assertive communication — expressing needs, setting limits, saying no, responding to criticism, making requests, and managing conflict. Includes modelling, role-play, and graduated real-world practice (Speed et al., 2018).
Identifies and challenges the beliefs that make assertiveness feel dangerous or selfish — ‘conflict will destroy the relationship’, ‘I’m being selfish if I say no’ — and builds a more accurate, balanced view of the role of limits and direct communication in healthy relationships (Alberti & Emmons, 2017).
The DBT interpersonal effectiveness module provides a comprehensive, skills-based framework for assertive communication — including the DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST skills for making requests, maintaining relationships, and preserving self-respect simultaneously (Linehan, 1993).
For assertiveness difficulties rooted in early experiences of invalidation, criticism, or conflict, Schema Therapy addresses the Subjugation or Approval-Seeking schemas that produce chronic self-suppression (Young et al., 2003).
Assertiveness is a skill that develops with practice. Your psychologist will guide you at a pace that is challenging but manageable.
Your first appointment explores your specific assertiveness difficulties — where they show up, their history, and what impact they have on your life and relationships.
Skills work is central to assertiveness treatment — you will leave with concrete communication tools to practise between sessions.
Assertiveness treatment typically involves 8–16 sessions. Many people see significant improvement within the first 8.
We offer appointments in-clinic at our Mooroolbark, Wheelers Hill, Reservoir, and Melbourne CBD locations, as well as Telehealth sessions from anywhere in Australia.
WorkCover, NDIS or TAC approved? YOU PAY NOTHING.
If your claim has been approved, we bill your funder directly. Zero out-of-pocket cost — no gap, no upfront payment, nothing.
Is assertiveness the same as being aggressive?
No. Assertiveness is communicating needs and limits clearly and respectfully — without aggression or submission. It is the middle ground between passive (suppressing your needs) and aggressive (expressing needs at others’ expense).
Can I access Medicare rebates?
Yes. Assertiveness difficulties typically co-occur with anxiety, depression, or relationship difficulties that are within the scope of Medicare-rebated psychological therapy via a Mental Health Care Plan.
I was raised to always put others first. Is it too late to change?
No. Assertiveness can be developed at any age. Many people find that the beliefs instilled in childhood about expressing needs can be thoughtfully examined and updated in adulthood with the right support.
Your needs matter. Your opinions matter. Our team can help you learn to express them.
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Alberti, R. E., & Emmons, M. L. (2017). Your perfect right: Assertiveness and equality in your life and relationships (10th ed.). Impact Publishers.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.
Paterson, R. J. (2000). The assertiveness workbook: How to express your ideas and stand up for yourself at work and in relationships. New Harbinger Publications.
Speed, B. C., Goldstein, B. L., & Goldfried, M. R. (2018). Assertiveness training: A forgotten evidence-based treatment. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 25(1), e12216. https://doi.org/10.1111/cpsp.12216
Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. Guilford Press.
